[There’s a terse sound to his own tone then. If Louis thought the voice message would be some grand card to play, it falls flat as Lestat pieces out the rest — Louis hearing him speak and then fleeing, and then feeling injured for being called on it.]
We are, I imagine. Except I made the mistake of being honest, it seems, that I had whored myself out for the auditors?
[It’s phrased like a question, but he knows that must have been it. He’s not sure what else he would have described as such.
And the thing that truly grinds him is that, for all his failings, this was one he would defend. He had protected Louis from the city’s humiliations and would do it again in a heartbeat. And yet Louis was furious all the same.]
Never fear. I shall not make such a mistake again.
[Being honest or whoring himself out? He won’t clarify.]
[The apology deflates him. He hadn’t expected it, and the soft sincerity of it knocks down the defensive walls building up in the heat of their argument.
And in truth, he does not want to be fighting, does not want to be back to slinging mud at each other. He can feel the pinpricks of tears forming in the corners of his eyes, and after a long moment he says:]
[Louis hates arguing with Lestat; it reminds him of their worst times in New Orleans. He knows the best thing to do is to come home. To come back and embrace his husband, to hold him and let him know that his honesty has not broken them.]
Alright. Let me pack my things up here and I'll be home.
[And, true to his word, Louis is back at the townhouse in about an hour. He immediately looks around for Lestat.]
[Lestat is a subtle wreck for the next hour. He believes that Louis will be true to his word, but he cannot help himself from weeping and quietly tormenting himself with the idea that Louis won’t return.
For a while, he remembers one of their early fights in New Orleans, the spiteful declaration ‘Thats why you’re always gonna be alone’. He remembers even further back, before Louis and before New Orleans, hearing Armand sneer that it was only a matter of time before his companions would abandon him.
When the door opens, his heart leaps. Lestat stands immediately, his face streaked with the remains of dried tears, but he doesn’t care. Immediately, he moves towards Louis, gathering him into his arms.]
[Drops his bag the moment that he sees Lestat, he curls his arms tight around Lestat as they embrace. He buries his face in Lestat's neck, drinking in the smell of him.
Louis smells vaguely of the Bridgerton-Basset home, but nothing strong enough to indicate that he had relations with either Anthony or Simon.]
[Lestat could weep again at the words and the feel of Louis in his arms once more. He buries his face in Louis’ neck in turn, wrapping closer around him. The scent tells the story of where he’s been and he is grateful that he came back, that it only took an hour before he’d come home.]
[Louis tilts his face just enough to press a kiss to Lestat's cheek before re-burying his face in Lestat's neck. His arms cling to Lestat, pull him in tight.]
[As much as Lestat wants to be more stoic, he can't, not with the wash of shame and sadness and relief that have roiled through him. Bloody tears blot the collar of Louis' collar where he's buried into his neck, his fingers gripping tight to the fabric of his shirt.]
I didn't even know where you'd gone, just that you'd left and something was wrong.
I won't do it again, I swear. [And Louis means it, no matter how quickly the vow has been sworn. He'd known he made a mistake almost as soon as he'd walked out the door, but told himself that he needed time to cool down.] No matter what happens.
[Louis sucks in a breath.] I knew it was something that would hurt you but I did it anyway.
[He really is exactly who he was when he left New Orelans. He hasn't changed.]
[He knows Louis did it to hurt him, same as in New Orleans when he had told Lestat he'd always be alone, then dashed back with Claudia hours later. It's the same song and dance they've done before, even then -- Louis on his knees, swearing to never leave while Claudia charred and wheezed on the carpet.
Lestat wants to believe they are better than they were, but in the end, does it matter? He'll take Louis back every time, bury himself in his arms on each return. Perhaps he really is who he was in New Orleans, at least in that much.]
It start with you acting kind of off. I asked a couple of questions and you were being, well, not yourself. No offense, but you have this tendency to dance around answers when you don't want to answer them.
[Louis pulls back just enough to look into Lestat's eyes.]
This time you weren't. And I asked another question then another. I kept getting angrier. You told me about the auditors, how you... [Louis sags, he doesn't want to say this part out loud.
However, in the spirit of being honest.] How you 'whored' yourself out to save the gallery and this townhouse. I didn't know what other secrets you'd been keeping from me so I kept asking.
And then you mentioned what I did to you in New Orleans and I couldn't listen to it any more.
[Louis could have stopped asking questions far before the topic of New Orleans came up, but he'd done it to himself and punished Lestat for his own transgressions.]
[Lestat listens, feeling uneasy at the unsettlingly true description of his own indirect style of speaking. And then Louis continues to explain, and he has the slow-sinking realization that he had likely had no choice but to speak plainly. And Louis had asked him directly, asked for answers that Lestat would have known not to give.
He looks at Louis while he speaks, his eyes rimmed red while an uneasy understanding settles in.]
So you did.
[He doesn't know how to respond to this. Lestat doesn't want to argue, but he is left with the feeling that his own secrecy had been the wiser call in the end, the easiest way to keep Louis from lashing out in anger. And yet Louis had pressed for answers he hadn't truly wanted all the same.]
[And now the guilt settles in. Louis keeps his gaze set on Lestat, eyes beginning to redden around the edges with the beginning of tears.]
I... was wrong. What I did was wrong.
[Louis takes in another breath.]
I'm sorry.
[He feels like they're on different footing, like his mishap at the Christmas Ball.]
And you don't have to take me back if that's what you decide.
[It would most certainly cause Louis to drop into a deep depression, he'd bury himself in books, he'd never forgive himself for ruining the best thing in his life.]
[He deflates again at that, because of course Louis in his deep wells of anxiety would think this would be enough to make Lestat leave. Lestat gathers him closer, arms winding tighter as he presses a kiss to Louis' cheek.]
Do not say such a thing. As if I could so easily tear myself away from you. As if I could ever toss you inside.
[And quietly, he realizes where the mention of New Orleans must have come from -- because the truth is, he's not sure there is anything that would make him leave. If Louis had come back to him even after his neck had been cut, Lestat would have not hesitated to reunite again.]
[Lestat exhales slowly, seeing the wheels of Louis' mind spinning. He presses a kiss to Louis' mouth, lingering even if Louis does not return it.]
As if I am some saint. As if I do not have my own moments of poisonous words.
[He leans his forehead to the crook of Louis' neck, drinking in the scent of him. Louis' heartbeat thuds beneath his skin, and Lestat aches knowing he could not leave him, that he never wishes to.]
[He runs his fingers across Louis' back, fingers twisting in his shirt. Lestat could not leave him, not for this or anything else, and it aches him that the dark corners of Louis' mind might make him think otherwise.]
You are my heart, cher. I want to walk eternity with you.
[He gathers Louis in closer to him, one arm wrapping up his back as he leans in. Lestat drags his nails in soothing lines down Louis' scalp, tracing gentle trails through his hair.]
You cannot scare me away so easily as all that. I wish to have you with me always.
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[Louis replies simply, without remorse.]
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[There’s a terse sound to his own tone then. If Louis thought the voice message would be some grand card to play, it falls flat as Lestat pieces out the rest — Louis hearing him speak and then fleeing, and then feeling injured for being called on it.]
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[Louis's irritation continues and he knows he needs to get his head on straight before he returns.]
Seems we're all exactly who we used to be.
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[It’s phrased like a question, but he knows that must have been it. He’s not sure what else he would have described as such.
And the thing that truly grinds him is that, for all his failings, this was one he would defend. He had protected Louis from the city’s humiliations and would do it again in a heartbeat. And yet Louis was furious all the same.]
Never fear. I shall not make such a mistake again.
[Being honest or whoring himself out? He won’t clarify.]
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He's done it to himself.
There is no high horse to sit on.
He's quiet for a minute, then two before he finally admits,]
I'm sorry, Lestat.
[But maybe he's broken this beyond repair.]
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And in truth, he does not want to be fighting, does not want to be back to slinging mud at each other. He can feel the pinpricks of tears forming in the corners of his eyes, and after a long moment he says:]
Just come home, Louis.
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Alright. Let me pack my things up here and I'll be home.
[And, true to his word, Louis is back at the townhouse in about an hour. He immediately looks around for Lestat.]
Lestat?
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For a while, he remembers one of their early fights in New Orleans, the spiteful declaration ‘Thats why you’re always gonna be alone’. He remembers even further back, before Louis and before New Orleans, hearing Armand sneer that it was only a matter of time before his companions would abandon him.
When the door opens, his heart leaps. Lestat stands immediately, his face streaked with the remains of dried tears, but he doesn’t care. Immediately, he moves towards Louis, gathering him into his arms.]
Louis —-
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Louis smells vaguely of the Bridgerton-Basset home, but nothing strong enough to indicate that he had relations with either Anthony or Simon.]
I'm so sorry I left.
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Just stay. Just stay here with me.
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[Louis tilts his face just enough to press a kiss to Lestat's cheek before re-burying his face in Lestat's neck. His arms cling to Lestat, pull him in tight.]
I'm sorry.
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I didn't even know where you'd gone, just that you'd left and something was wrong.
I can't -- I cannot keep watching you storm away.
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[Louis sucks in a breath.] I knew it was something that would hurt you but I did it anyway.
[He really is exactly who he was when he left New Orelans. He hasn't changed.]
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All right.
[He knows Louis did it to hurt him, same as in New Orleans when he had told Lestat he'd always be alone, then dashed back with Claudia hours later. It's the same song and dance they've done before, even then -- Louis on his knees, swearing to never leave while Claudia charred and wheezed on the carpet.
Lestat wants to believe they are better than they were, but in the end, does it matter? He'll take Louis back every time, bury himself in his arms on each return. Perhaps he really is who he was in New Orleans, at least in that much.]
What happened?
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[Louis pulls back just enough to look into Lestat's eyes.]
This time you weren't. And I asked another question then another. I kept getting angrier. You told me about the auditors, how you... [Louis sags, he doesn't want to say this part out loud.
However, in the spirit of being honest.] How you 'whored' yourself out to save the gallery and this townhouse. I didn't know what other secrets you'd been keeping from me so I kept asking.
And then you mentioned what I did to you in New Orleans and I couldn't listen to it any more.
[Louis could have stopped asking questions far before the topic of New Orleans came up, but he'd done it to himself and punished Lestat for his own transgressions.]
I lost it. And I wanted to hurt you. So I left.
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He looks at Louis while he speaks, his eyes rimmed red while an uneasy understanding settles in.]
So you did.
[He doesn't know how to respond to this. Lestat doesn't want to argue, but he is left with the feeling that his own secrecy had been the wiser call in the end, the easiest way to keep Louis from lashing out in anger. And yet Louis had pressed for answers he hadn't truly wanted all the same.]
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I... was wrong. What I did was wrong.
[Louis takes in another breath.]
I'm sorry.
[He feels like they're on different footing, like his mishap at the Christmas Ball.]
And you don't have to take me back if that's what you decide.
[It would most certainly cause Louis to drop into a deep depression, he'd bury himself in books, he'd never forgive himself for ruining the best thing in his life.]
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Do not say such a thing. As if I could so easily tear myself away from you. As if I could ever toss you inside.
[And quietly, he realizes where the mention of New Orleans must have come from -- because the truth is, he's not sure there is anything that would make him leave. If Louis had come back to him even after his neck had been cut, Lestat would have not hesitated to reunite again.]
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I manipulated you, Lestat. I'm toxic.
[Because it's true. Who would provoke their loved one and then act on that loved one's greatest fear?
He's nothing worth loving.]
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As if I am some saint. As if I do not have my own moments of poisonous words.
[He leans his forehead to the crook of Louis' neck, drinking in the scent of him. Louis' heartbeat thuds beneath his skin, and Lestat aches knowing he could not leave him, that he never wishes to.]
Just stay. Please, please just stay.
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I'll stay if you do.
[If Lestat still wants him. If Lestat can stand what Louis has done to him.]
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[He runs his fingers across Louis' back, fingers twisting in his shirt. Lestat could not leave him, not for this or anything else, and it aches him that the dark corners of Louis' mind might make him think otherwise.]
You are my heart, cher. I want to walk eternity with you.
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I'm so sorry, Lestat.
[The fact that Lestat wants him back in any capacity speaks to the depths of change that have affected Lestat.]
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[He gathers Louis in closer to him, one arm wrapping up his back as he leans in. Lestat drags his nails in soothing lines down Louis' scalp, tracing gentle trails through his hair.]
You cannot scare me away so easily as all that. I wish to have you with me always.
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[Louis remains where he is, half slung in Lestat's arms.]
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OK to wrap here?
yep!