interviewee | OPEN RP POST

[Louis lifts his eyelids enough to really look at Lestat, at the face he loved so dearly. He still does, he supposes, but it's quieter, like a flame flickering in a hurricane. The apology comes completely unexpected and Louis's eyes open in full.]

I... [His chest burns and Louis isn't sure if it's the injuries or the emotions that arise.] I have a lot to apologize for, too. I'm sorry we tried to kill you.

[His breath catches in his chest and Louis grimaces.] We both did things that brought us here.

{ He lets out a sigh. Now seems as good a time as any to just admit this. It has been eighty years, after all, no need to hold on to things. }

I knew you were planning on killing me. I could have left at any time, but I suppose I'd hoped you'd change your mind. I do have to hand it to Claudia, the poison was an unexpected touch.

[Oh. Oh. Louis breath catches, his brow furrows and his lips tremble.]

You knew?

[The guilt already clogging his throat multiplies. How must it have been like to walk around knowing that his love planned to kill him. All the while Louis kissed and held Lestat, in many falsities, and yet Lestat lingered.

It breaks Louis's heart and he ducks his head, struggling to keep from crying.

Lestat knew. He knew.]

How could I not? Even if you both weren't impossibly loud about it, even if Antoinette hadn't seen or heard you and confirmed it to me, it was written all over your body language.

{ He doesn't hold it against Louis. He doesn't even hold it against Claudia. }

I always said I wanted to die in my lover's arms.

{ He reaches over to run his thumb gently under one of Louis' eyes, ready to catch any errant tears. }

[Those errant tears make their appearance as Louis can only imagine what life must have been like knowing that his killers waltzed around his home, masquerading as husband and daughter.]

'm sorry. [Louis is still exhausted, still in pain, and the tears and the apologies come easy. 'm so sorry.

[He can't imagine it, the devastation, the realization that must have come on that balcony. When that last cigarette was snubbed out on the concrete.]

I- [He can't catch his breath any more as emotion and pain overwhelm him.]

You, ma foi, did only what I pushed you to do. It's but a blip in our history, and it was better for me that I should die than endure a life knowing you despised me so.

{ His hand moves, stroking over Louis' hair. Lestat's not particularly good at comforting. He has little-to-no practice in such things, having always to take the approach of tough love or not love at all. }

I forgive you. It's as simple as that.

[Louis continues to struggle with this revelation. Even if it was simply a blip in their history, Louis has become even more unable to forgive himself, despite Lestat's offer of forgiveness.]

I don't despise you. [Louis coughs, managing to clear his throat when Lestat strokes a hand over his hair.

Of course there were irritations, his long recovery after the fall, but bringing Lestat back into their house had been one of their better moments. Or should have. He always felt second to Antoinette, like nothing he did could get the attention he wanted. Even more so, with time and distance, any anger toward Lestat has dimmed into guilt.]

Well, no, not anymore. Time has a nice way of putting things into clarity.

{ Though he wonders if Louis hadn't had his revelations about Armand's own lies, would he be so willing to lessen his anger towards Lestat?

But even in that mockery of a trial, there had been something when Lestat turned to look at Louis. They've always been able to communicate so much to one another with simply a look. }

I saw you. [Louis admits quietly despite his heavy breathing.] You followed me around. I- I took a picture of you, but you weren't there.

[Lestat had remained an ever-present figure even after his death as Louis carried him in his guilt.]

I could talk to you if I wanted, but you were there.

[Louis ducks his head again wiping at his blood-stained face.]

Edited 2024-11-12 04:35 (UTC)

{ It sounds eerily familiar. That's how Lestat feels with Claudia. She's there, but she's not. He's had many conversations with her over the years. He used to go by their old home and imagine he could see her up on the gallery, looking down at him. }

I can't bear to see you so distressed.

{ He tries to keep his tone light, but there's a sincerity in it. This is why he loves Louis so much, though, he's sensitive and feels so deeply. He's still so very human despite it all. }

I killed you and you knew all about it. [Louis shakes his head, the guilt worsening.] The one you loved. The one you trusted.

[Louis shakes his head again, raising it to look at Lestat.]

There's nothing I can ever do to make up for that.

{ Lestat smiles, but his expression is flat. }

I'm not asking you to make it up to me, Louis. I let it happen. I was an active participant in my own demise.

[Louis shakes his head again.] And you still saved me last night.

[He starts to get up from the couch, half-bent over with pain and guilt both. He moves to the fridge but before he opens it for a blood bag, he steps back. What does he deserve any more?

Louis feels the same as after Paul died, how the guilt eats him from the inside out, how he feels as if nothing can erase his sins. And there is no confessional here.]

You would do the same for me.

{ Lestat isn't sure if he believes it or not, but he thinks it's true. Louis had ripped his heart out, but he didn't want to see Lestat destroyed. If he had, he would have thrown Lestat in the flames.

And because he's spent almost a century pining and waiting for Louis to come back to him. Why throw it away? }

If you're thinking about not eating, I suggest you reconsider.

[Louis raises his eyes to Lestat at that statement. Does Lestat believe that? That Louis could possibly have remaining good will for him despite what happened? Louis, of course, would indeed do anything to save Lestat, book or no book. He'd listened to the hallucination of Lestat for so long and now he has the real thing here in the safe house.

If Lestat forgives him, then maybe Louis can try to start to forgive himself.

Or maybe after Louis tortures himself first, as he always does.]

Not hungry. [He still opens the fridge and holds out a bag for Lestat to take.]

{ He stands, one graceful and easy movement from couch to stand by Louis. He puts his hand on the bag but he doesn't take it, fixing his unblinking gaze on Louis. He refuses to mother or coddle, to tell Louis that he needs it. Louis knows he needs it, Louis is just being stubborn. }

We'll share it.

{ It lacks the intimacy of biting into the same neck, but Louis clearly didn't enjoy the same things Lestat did back then. Lestat didn't need a book to tell him that. }

Edited 2024-11-12 05:10 (UTC)

Said I'm not hungry. [Louis calms the longer he plans out his own torture. It's a plan to move forward, even if it hurts him. If he does this then maybe his guilt will ease. It's a tried and true method Louis has used more than once.

He thrusts the bag toward Lestat, an insistence to take it.]

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